Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Hello ye few who take the time to actually come on this blog. This blog is dedicated to a very special girl. Hmm, now I don't know what to say :S I feel compelled to talk about her..but I feel that I am going to bore anyone reading this, including her. Besides, I'm sure that you all got enough of her in the last post. Yes, that is correct...*ahem*.
Missed the bus today. It was rather annoying as I had taken the time to get up out of bed, in which I felt so warm and cosy, like someone was hugging me or something. If I'd have known that I was going to miss the bus, I would not bothered. Isn't it stupid the way they put school on so early? I mean, its not bad enough that its the most boring shit in the world, but coupled with the state of everyone's brains in the morning, its hell, HELL I tells ya! Who wants to do Quantum Physics at 9 in the morning? Some people enjoy it I think, I evny these people. I really wish I could enjoy school, not becuase it would mean that I would do better academically, but rather becuase it would take the sting out everyday life. School is a black hole of suffering and blight. It sucks all the spirit out of people, all the soul. I need to get out of school, I think that I may just quit and go travelling. Its just one big lie when people tell you that to get somewhere in life, you have to work and scrape, and ultimately not enjoy it or use it to its full potential. Why has the Human race done this to itself? Its so much harder than it has to be, everything is about numbers, organisation, little crappy forms that need to be completed for nearly everything. Tax, rent, MOT, insurance, TV lisence, electricity, gas; I could go on forever.
Money makes the world go around that is a right bummer!
I think that something is happening to me. I have become soft or something, not that I was ever 'hard'. I find myself taking pity things that I would laugh at usually. I watch a romantic movie or listen to a love song and, OMG, I start crying! Well, not crying, but I can feel tears running down my cheeks. Its strange, I don't like it nor dislike it though. Everyone must go through change in order for them to find out what kind of a person they are. I think that I am a bit too romantic. I think that it puts girls off. For example, my pretty much first girlfriend fucks some guy then dumps me - BECUASE I'M TOO ROMANTIC! And my second girlfriend (who was that for about week, of which time I saw her for about 2 days - it was VERY nice though), decides that we are too far away and asks to finish and I, being stupid and thinking that there was an ulterior motive to it, agree. She is now going out with a guy who acts like her father. I don't mean HER father when I say that...he acts like A father. And I don't mean a nice caring one that gives a shit like...its sick either way, why am I trying to make it even worse? Well, all it boils down to is that she has no freedom around him, she buys booze - he tells her mummy. I mean, for fuck sake dude! Who's he going out with, her? Or her mum? Well, anyway enough about that for now. I have a strange tendency to go on about that, but how can anyone blame me when everyday, it fills 50% of my thoughts. You are the other 50%, Janie ;)
I dreamed of her the other night, not Janie, the other one that I'm always going on about. It was really, really nice. And, NO, it was not THAT kind of dream ;) But, you know when you have those dreams, when you are with the girl OF YOUR DREAMS, and you are both really happy and you can tell that she is happy too and everything is just perfect and nothing could possibly go wrong...well it was like that. Then I woke up, which was a shame coz I was just getting into it. Yeah, I was pretty damn happy in that dream. Then I am woken up and I have to go to school. GGRRR!!! I dream about the most perfect things and scenarios, but my reality is just crappy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy enough. But who wants 'enough'? I've come to the conclusion in the last 6 seconds, that I am one of these people that are just not meant to be alone, but seem to be most of the time. I don't see what the girls have against me around here. In this 'town', there are a few select girls that I would consider going anywhere near with a 10ft barge pole, and they just...don't feel the same way about me. But when I go somewhere else, say about 50 miles away from Llandod, that's when all the girls are loving me! Maybe I am pretty good looking or something, but my character is just so off-putting that anyone who knows me enough are just sickened by me? I don't know, I've been told that I try too hard, I've been told that I don't try enough. Believe me, I've tried and I've not given a fuck, I've tried all levels of that shit. But it gets me nowhere. Well, too be quite honest with you, I don't really care that much. All the people that I care about in that way, which there are not many of, return my affection but have got boyfriends. Ahh, tis a crying shame, but one, I'm sure, time and perserverance will solve.
Went America the other week. That was okay, but the people there are the kind of people that I would not hang around with. I mean the other students that went on the exchange, as that was what it was: an exhange with the school. The people that went with me are farmer boys, builthy boys. There was a few Llandod girls, but after a while, they just tend to get on one's nerves after 10 hours of the journey. Well anyway, it was suprising how spoilt these guys were. They had to sit where they wanted and NOW. They didn't care about who moved, to where, they just wanted what THEY wanted. Another example is this, I get moved on the plane back to Britain so that this girl, Kate Pearson, and a guy named Kelwin, can sit where they wanted, while I was moved from a perfectly good seat to the middle of the place next to this guy who stank of B.O and his girlfriend who, might I add, was rough as fuck and made me want to puke profoundly all over the place. They were constantly lip wresting with eachother the entire way. Then I get this guy, who thinks he is all righteous, sitting in front of me with a book. My tray in front of me, in the back of this guy's seat will not retract and I try a more forceful method of persuasion on it. Then I get this guy, who is some Londener, going ''Ave we got some sorta problem?", like he's all hard and trying to intimidate me. I just stare him in the eye and say nothing and he turns around like he should. Some people are just too quick off the mark. I would have just turned around and asked politely for the person behind to be a little less rough with my seat, simple as that. But then I'm me and no one else.
The family I had to stay with, were nice but a little wierd and corrupt. The guy, being my age, was a little too feminine for my taste, and was totally square. In all truth, he was extremely camp and I think that he just needs a little push in the right direction and he would be homosexual. I have nothing against gays, but I just find camp people annoying, I'm afraid. His hobbies her drinking green tea, listening to Enya and the Beatles (and occasionally screaming out the lyrics from them) and baking cookies for his little mutant friends at school. Aww, how american...
I'm being serious now, his friends were like little mutants: He had this little fat ginger friend (girl), who was no higher than my knee but only two years younger than me, this big hunky friend (girl, of course) who had one of her eyes going about a centimentre below the other one...they were freaks. Again, I have nothing against freaks...I just don't want to be seen with them that's all. All the other people had really cool hosts, one guy even had a millionairre, for fuck sake. And I get this guy. But mind you, his sister was DAMN fine, and if she comes over to Britain with him next year, she's mine! Oh yeah, that's another thing, he is going to come down and stay with me in about 9 months...that should be a laugh. I'll take him to Stone Henge for the solstice and get him fucked on everything! hehe, that sounds great. He doesn't drink, smoke...anything! Poor guy. I think that there must be some kind of a reason that he is like that though. I have been thinking about it since I left and have come to the conclusion that becuase his Dad, is NEVER at home becuase of his job, and he is totally strict: 1/ he has had no real male role model as he was growing up and 2/he is so freaked out by with father that he has got this wierd mental block telling him to be as girly as he can to escape putting his own children through what his father put him through. Plus, I think that becuase his dad was never there, he only had his mother, who is really nice, but really feminine so he must have picked up a bit of that from her. hehe, it would be really cool to see him on acid though, dude!
I think that this is pretty much all that I have to say for now. You know, its been really cool to come and write stuff on this thing again, its been a while. And Han, if you are the only person reading this then that's ok, it was worth it, if only for you :) - ring ;) Catch you later people, it been real.
Until next time....
Missed the bus today. It was rather annoying as I had taken the time to get up out of bed, in which I felt so warm and cosy, like someone was hugging me or something. If I'd have known that I was going to miss the bus, I would not bothered. Isn't it stupid the way they put school on so early? I mean, its not bad enough that its the most boring shit in the world, but coupled with the state of everyone's brains in the morning, its hell, HELL I tells ya! Who wants to do Quantum Physics at 9 in the morning? Some people enjoy it I think, I evny these people. I really wish I could enjoy school, not becuase it would mean that I would do better academically, but rather becuase it would take the sting out everyday life. School is a black hole of suffering and blight. It sucks all the spirit out of people, all the soul. I need to get out of school, I think that I may just quit and go travelling. Its just one big lie when people tell you that to get somewhere in life, you have to work and scrape, and ultimately not enjoy it or use it to its full potential. Why has the Human race done this to itself? Its so much harder than it has to be, everything is about numbers, organisation, little crappy forms that need to be completed for nearly everything. Tax, rent, MOT, insurance, TV lisence, electricity, gas; I could go on forever.
Money makes the world go around that is a right bummer!
I think that something is happening to me. I have become soft or something, not that I was ever 'hard'. I find myself taking pity things that I would laugh at usually. I watch a romantic movie or listen to a love song and, OMG, I start crying! Well, not crying, but I can feel tears running down my cheeks. Its strange, I don't like it nor dislike it though. Everyone must go through change in order for them to find out what kind of a person they are. I think that I am a bit too romantic. I think that it puts girls off. For example, my pretty much first girlfriend fucks some guy then dumps me - BECUASE I'M TOO ROMANTIC! And my second girlfriend (who was that for about week, of which time I saw her for about 2 days - it was VERY nice though), decides that we are too far away and asks to finish and I, being stupid and thinking that there was an ulterior motive to it, agree. She is now going out with a guy who acts like her father. I don't mean HER father when I say that...he acts like A father. And I don't mean a nice caring one that gives a shit like...its sick either way, why am I trying to make it even worse? Well, all it boils down to is that she has no freedom around him, she buys booze - he tells her mummy. I mean, for fuck sake dude! Who's he going out with, her? Or her mum? Well, anyway enough about that for now. I have a strange tendency to go on about that, but how can anyone blame me when everyday, it fills 50% of my thoughts. You are the other 50%, Janie ;)
I dreamed of her the other night, not Janie, the other one that I'm always going on about. It was really, really nice. And, NO, it was not THAT kind of dream ;) But, you know when you have those dreams, when you are with the girl OF YOUR DREAMS, and you are both really happy and you can tell that she is happy too and everything is just perfect and nothing could possibly go wrong...well it was like that. Then I woke up, which was a shame coz I was just getting into it. Yeah, I was pretty damn happy in that dream. Then I am woken up and I have to go to school. GGRRR!!! I dream about the most perfect things and scenarios, but my reality is just crappy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy enough. But who wants 'enough'? I've come to the conclusion in the last 6 seconds, that I am one of these people that are just not meant to be alone, but seem to be most of the time. I don't see what the girls have against me around here. In this 'town', there are a few select girls that I would consider going anywhere near with a 10ft barge pole, and they just...don't feel the same way about me. But when I go somewhere else, say about 50 miles away from Llandod, that's when all the girls are loving me! Maybe I am pretty good looking or something, but my character is just so off-putting that anyone who knows me enough are just sickened by me? I don't know, I've been told that I try too hard, I've been told that I don't try enough. Believe me, I've tried and I've not given a fuck, I've tried all levels of that shit. But it gets me nowhere. Well, too be quite honest with you, I don't really care that much. All the people that I care about in that way, which there are not many of, return my affection but have got boyfriends. Ahh, tis a crying shame, but one, I'm sure, time and perserverance will solve.
Went America the other week. That was okay, but the people there are the kind of people that I would not hang around with. I mean the other students that went on the exchange, as that was what it was: an exhange with the school. The people that went with me are farmer boys, builthy boys. There was a few Llandod girls, but after a while, they just tend to get on one's nerves after 10 hours of the journey. Well anyway, it was suprising how spoilt these guys were. They had to sit where they wanted and NOW. They didn't care about who moved, to where, they just wanted what THEY wanted. Another example is this, I get moved on the plane back to Britain so that this girl, Kate Pearson, and a guy named Kelwin, can sit where they wanted, while I was moved from a perfectly good seat to the middle of the place next to this guy who stank of B.O and his girlfriend who, might I add, was rough as fuck and made me want to puke profoundly all over the place. They were constantly lip wresting with eachother the entire way. Then I get this guy, who thinks he is all righteous, sitting in front of me with a book. My tray in front of me, in the back of this guy's seat will not retract and I try a more forceful method of persuasion on it. Then I get this guy, who is some Londener, going ''Ave we got some sorta problem?", like he's all hard and trying to intimidate me. I just stare him in the eye and say nothing and he turns around like he should. Some people are just too quick off the mark. I would have just turned around and asked politely for the person behind to be a little less rough with my seat, simple as that. But then I'm me and no one else.
The family I had to stay with, were nice but a little wierd and corrupt. The guy, being my age, was a little too feminine for my taste, and was totally square. In all truth, he was extremely camp and I think that he just needs a little push in the right direction and he would be homosexual. I have nothing against gays, but I just find camp people annoying, I'm afraid. His hobbies her drinking green tea, listening to Enya and the Beatles (and occasionally screaming out the lyrics from them) and baking cookies for his little mutant friends at school. Aww, how american...
I'm being serious now, his friends were like little mutants: He had this little fat ginger friend (girl), who was no higher than my knee but only two years younger than me, this big hunky friend (girl, of course) who had one of her eyes going about a centimentre below the other one...they were freaks. Again, I have nothing against freaks...I just don't want to be seen with them that's all. All the other people had really cool hosts, one guy even had a millionairre, for fuck sake. And I get this guy. But mind you, his sister was DAMN fine, and if she comes over to Britain with him next year, she's mine! Oh yeah, that's another thing, he is going to come down and stay with me in about 9 months...that should be a laugh. I'll take him to Stone Henge for the solstice and get him fucked on everything! hehe, that sounds great. He doesn't drink, smoke...anything! Poor guy. I think that there must be some kind of a reason that he is like that though. I have been thinking about it since I left and have come to the conclusion that becuase his Dad, is NEVER at home becuase of his job, and he is totally strict: 1/ he has had no real male role model as he was growing up and 2/he is so freaked out by with father that he has got this wierd mental block telling him to be as girly as he can to escape putting his own children through what his father put him through. Plus, I think that becuase his dad was never there, he only had his mother, who is really nice, but really feminine so he must have picked up a bit of that from her. hehe, it would be really cool to see him on acid though, dude!
I think that this is pretty much all that I have to say for now. You know, its been really cool to come and write stuff on this thing again, its been a while. And Han, if you are the only person reading this then that's ok, it was worth it, if only for you :) - ring ;) Catch you later people, it been real.
Until next time....
