Monday, September 01, 2003
Hello people, as you may have noticed I have, before, tried to post since the previous, several times...but came to a dead end as I did had no stimulus to come and write an essay on all the shit that I've had over the years. With regards to previous post, I can only plead insanity. At that moment in time, I had had a particular refraction from normal life, with the complete uproar and horror of a mass argument between my family. Needless to say, I would not have written the post had I not meant it, but plead with you now: Do not look at me, and remember the post dated Thu Jun 19th, thinking, 'This guy has problems, he needs to sort it out, blah, blah, blah'. I ask this of you because those problems are my own and should have no effect on the way you see me for, although it is a different side to me, it doesn't strip me of my...'meness', *ahem*. Everyone has their problems, some are more palatable, some are pretty fucking terrible, but the fact that I choose to divulge them does not make me into a sad, lonely and pathetic human being. I just had a lot of shit to deal with but, suffice to say, I am in working order and all that shit. You may also be pleased to log that I will be posting a lot more (if arsed).
Moving to the daily basis of my life. There has been one small thought in the back of my mind for a while now. Every morning is a tribute to 'her', as, whenever I wake, she is the first thought. She is also the last thought of the day, funnily enough. I have had trouble sleeping these past weeks and the long and droning time between entering my bed and falling into sub-consiousness, has been been consumed by her and the terrible waste I have made. She is ALWAYS in my head, whenever I see a fucking sexy bitch on the TV - I think of her, when I see a romantic scene - I think of her, and when I see Jonny and Sarah (some of you may not know them, but they are SO lovey-dovey :@) - I think of her and the precious, yet short time we had together. I have this bracelet of hers. I haven't taken it off for anything other than a bath, I sleep in it, I get pissed, stonted, etc (we won't get into that 'etc') in it. And all the time, I never forget its on my wrist. Its not a a fancy bracelet of any earthly value, but it means so much to me and everytime I look at it...I just so wish I was looking into her deep, blue, sparkly eyes; endless pools of ensnarement. It sums her up SO well though, this bracelet. You should be told now, that she is a tad younger than me, but this is a pradicament, so small compared to that of the fact that I want her SO SO badly, that I really wouldn't give two shits about anything that you could possibly throw at me. Well, anyway, I look at this bracelet: it is comprised of 5 black and 5 red dice, they all have the numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5 on them as the faces that would usually have the 1 and 6 are the places where the elastic goes through them, keeping them together. The dice are, maybe a little more than a half a centremetre in diameter. You can imagine that this sums her up, when I tell you how desperatly sort of...uh...I don't quite know how to put this, she is a lot like an innocent school girl, but she is much much more than that. She is like this furry little kitten that you just want to stroke all day, but in the sense that you would just never want her lips to leave yours, she isn't an animal :S . That another thing about her! Her lips are just so so so so so so so soft, and her hair is so blonde and soft and silky and her figure is just so...oh, don't get me started on her figure. But that's the thing, her figure, as nice (as VERY nice) as it may be, is a mere bouns to her persona. The way she acts is just so perfect to me, she doesn't just fob things off. She is so gentle in nature, I can't imagine her starting a fight at all, let along participating in one.. She agrees to see me, even asked once, even though my previous girlfriend would NEVER, EVER even agree to see me, and she is single. Yes, you guessed it, this is where to problem is. This girl, has a new fucking boyfriend. One that I would very much like to see run over my an articulated lorry, but I have to keep 'hush, hush' about that coz she doesn't like me saying that and everything. I can't tell you enough how much of an idiot I am to let her go. But saying that, it was a mutual decision. Infact, that's what makes it even MORE annoying. I had the power to stop this from happening, but I didn't take the chance. I KNOW that if she didn't have this fucking road block of a fucking gay twat, motherfucking boyfriend, she would be mine, RIGHT NOW. But...uh...was I saying something...oh yeah, I just can't get over the fact that I an even more of a twat than this boyfriend for letting her go in the first place! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I find a really nice girl, who is like totally my type, like none that you would find in Llandod (no offence, but the girls in Dod just don't rock my boat ;) ) and fucking let her go...like that!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING, I AM SUCH A FUCKIN TOSSPOT, I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING RIMJOB I AM! AND NOW I GET THIS FUCKING MSN MESSAGE OF THIS GUY WHO I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, THAT I HAVE TOLD TO 'GET HER TO GO OUT WITH ME' WHICH IS JUST SO UNSTYLISH, I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE, AND HE SAYS THAT SHE DOESN'T FUCKING 'FANCY' ME ANYMORE. I am thoroughly annoyed at this. So I shall leave here. Morning all. I HEREBY DECREE THAT THIS 'LEE' THIS BURDEN, SHOULD FUCKING DIE AND ROT IN HELL FOREVER. SO SAYETH EZRA.
Moving to the daily basis of my life. There has been one small thought in the back of my mind for a while now. Every morning is a tribute to 'her', as, whenever I wake, she is the first thought. She is also the last thought of the day, funnily enough. I have had trouble sleeping these past weeks and the long and droning time between entering my bed and falling into sub-consiousness, has been been consumed by her and the terrible waste I have made. She is ALWAYS in my head, whenever I see a fucking sexy bitch on the TV - I think of her, when I see a romantic scene - I think of her, and when I see Jonny and Sarah (some of you may not know them, but they are SO lovey-dovey :@) - I think of her and the precious, yet short time we had together. I have this bracelet of hers. I haven't taken it off for anything other than a bath, I sleep in it, I get pissed, stonted, etc (we won't get into that 'etc') in it. And all the time, I never forget its on my wrist. Its not a a fancy bracelet of any earthly value, but it means so much to me and everytime I look at it...I just so wish I was looking into her deep, blue, sparkly eyes; endless pools of ensnarement. It sums her up SO well though, this bracelet. You should be told now, that she is a tad younger than me, but this is a pradicament, so small compared to that of the fact that I want her SO SO badly, that I really wouldn't give two shits about anything that you could possibly throw at me. Well, anyway, I look at this bracelet: it is comprised of 5 black and 5 red dice, they all have the numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5 on them as the faces that would usually have the 1 and 6 are the places where the elastic goes through them, keeping them together. The dice are, maybe a little more than a half a centremetre in diameter. You can imagine that this sums her up, when I tell you how desperatly sort of...uh...I don't quite know how to put this, she is a lot like an innocent school girl, but she is much much more than that. She is like this furry little kitten that you just want to stroke all day, but in the sense that you would just never want her lips to leave yours, she isn't an animal :S . That another thing about her! Her lips are just so so so so so so so soft, and her hair is so blonde and soft and silky and her figure is just so...oh, don't get me started on her figure. But that's the thing, her figure, as nice (as VERY nice) as it may be, is a mere bouns to her persona. The way she acts is just so perfect to me, she doesn't just fob things off. She is so gentle in nature, I can't imagine her starting a fight at all, let along participating in one.. She agrees to see me, even asked once, even though my previous girlfriend would NEVER, EVER even agree to see me, and she is single. Yes, you guessed it, this is where to problem is. This girl, has a new fucking boyfriend. One that I would very much like to see run over my an articulated lorry, but I have to keep 'hush, hush' about that coz she doesn't like me saying that and everything. I can't tell you enough how much of an idiot I am to let her go. But saying that, it was a mutual decision. Infact, that's what makes it even MORE annoying. I had the power to stop this from happening, but I didn't take the chance. I KNOW that if she didn't have this fucking road block of a fucking gay twat, motherfucking boyfriend, she would be mine, RIGHT NOW. But...uh...was I saying something...oh yeah, I just can't get over the fact that I an even more of a twat than this boyfriend for letting her go in the first place! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I find a really nice girl, who is like totally my type, like none that you would find in Llandod (no offence, but the girls in Dod just don't rock my boat ;) ) and fucking let her go...like that!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING, I AM SUCH A FUCKIN TOSSPOT, I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING RIMJOB I AM! AND NOW I GET THIS FUCKING MSN MESSAGE OF THIS GUY WHO I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, THAT I HAVE TOLD TO 'GET HER TO GO OUT WITH ME' WHICH IS JUST SO UNSTYLISH, I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE, AND HE SAYS THAT SHE DOESN'T FUCKING 'FANCY' ME ANYMORE. I am thoroughly annoyed at this. So I shall leave here. Morning all. I HEREBY DECREE THAT THIS 'LEE' THIS BURDEN, SHOULD FUCKING DIE AND ROT IN HELL FOREVER. SO SAYETH EZRA.
