Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Carring on from my last, rudely ended blog, I would like to continue it and therefore DIScontinue it with my reasons, currently undivolged. My reasons are due now, and therefore I will tell you, though I doubt that this will tickle any interest in your lives seeing as no one really reads these posts because they are interested, they do so because they have nothing better to do, as is the case with everything on the planet. My reason is that because I started writing this blog in the hope of displaying my uniqueness, though it has become quite apparent to me that everyone else has been doing the same and therefore rendering me...the same. This, again, makes me feel sick, because if I have to be the same as every other disgusting human on this planet, then I am one more virus to burn it out. This is pretty much the reason. Added to others such as after intense emotional experiences I tend to type endless blither and don't think about what I am writing and thusly, lose my superiority, if that is even possible.
Anyway, to move on from this one sided discussion. I wish to write a song, I feel that my excellent voice is being wasted...and those of you who have heard me sing SOBER - KATHERINE (who nudged me down a rung when she told me NEVER to be a singer), I'm sure will agree with me. The one main problem is that I have been unable to find the right style of music that fits my aura (that means fucking brilliancy and superiority to everyone in everyway). The reason for this I think is because I have been thinking too much about existing styles of music and the influence the predefined style of music my immediate vicinity enjoys, or claims to enjoy, has. The solution, in my eyes, is that I need a style of my own, a style that has all the good parts of every genre of music and none of the bad parts of them - for me, I think this will be an easy task. I have sung before in what many people may call a 'Jam', I would call it more of a spam, because of how much crap was in it. Crap, not as in my singing OR lyrics were not better than most ever recorded, but crap referring to all the smut in my lyrics. Please observe:
"This boy sucked me off like no other,
It was like getting a blowjob from my brother,
I came all over his face,
Like a fire hose, all over the place'
*The editing party would like to inform viewers that said lyrics were formed under the influence of alchohol and whatever else. If you have been affected by these words and would like confidential and impartial advice, please call 0800 - FUCKOFF
I am an excellent dancer, or so I've been told (although I've been thinking it for...ever), I had the chance to prove myself at a recent performance, in which I was the only one to do a solo, which, I might add, was the best performance of the whole thing. There are these annoying girls though that think that they are, without sound too cockney, the 'bee's knees'.
However, after much observation and due consideration, I have been able to come to the conclusion that they are really not that good, are pretty ugly and their dancing revolved pretty much around slutty Coyote Ugly style dancing, which anyone who is doing it thinks they are great at. No, has to be said that I am the best dancer, and I am original, I dance my way and that's that.
I will be attending a recall audition this weekend with the NYTW (National Youth Theatre of Wales, an event that many theatre orientated performers in Wales aspire to attend. There were MANY applicants with all the experience that the Youth Theatre could have wanted at the first auditions, and then there was me, absolutely no experience in dancing or drama, but I manage to get into it with purely my singing voice, movement, and acting. A perfect candidate on paper missed out on the recall audition because I had the REAL talent that they were looking for, that goes towards my arrogance too.
To end, I would just like to remind you of how above average I am, bodily, spiritually, confidence-wise, souly, and mindly (if that's a word - irony by the way). Many people often say that they great, but they are just hiding from the painful truth that they are just like everyone else, I don't, I say it because its true, and that's the way the cock flops.
The End
(Love to Janie xxx)
Anyway, to move on from this one sided discussion. I wish to write a song, I feel that my excellent voice is being wasted...and those of you who have heard me sing SOBER - KATHERINE (who nudged me down a rung when she told me NEVER to be a singer), I'm sure will agree with me. The one main problem is that I have been unable to find the right style of music that fits my aura (that means fucking brilliancy and superiority to everyone in everyway). The reason for this I think is because I have been thinking too much about existing styles of music and the influence the predefined style of music my immediate vicinity enjoys, or claims to enjoy, has. The solution, in my eyes, is that I need a style of my own, a style that has all the good parts of every genre of music and none of the bad parts of them - for me, I think this will be an easy task. I have sung before in what many people may call a 'Jam', I would call it more of a spam, because of how much crap was in it. Crap, not as in my singing OR lyrics were not better than most ever recorded, but crap referring to all the smut in my lyrics. Please observe:
"This boy sucked me off like no other,
It was like getting a blowjob from my brother,
I came all over his face,
Like a fire hose, all over the place'
*The editing party would like to inform viewers that said lyrics were formed under the influence of alchohol and whatever else. If you have been affected by these words and would like confidential and impartial advice, please call 0800 - FUCKOFF
I am an excellent dancer, or so I've been told (although I've been thinking it for...ever), I had the chance to prove myself at a recent performance, in which I was the only one to do a solo, which, I might add, was the best performance of the whole thing. There are these annoying girls though that think that they are, without sound too cockney, the 'bee's knees'.
However, after much observation and due consideration, I have been able to come to the conclusion that they are really not that good, are pretty ugly and their dancing revolved pretty much around slutty Coyote Ugly style dancing, which anyone who is doing it thinks they are great at. No, has to be said that I am the best dancer, and I am original, I dance my way and that's that.
I will be attending a recall audition this weekend with the NYTW (National Youth Theatre of Wales, an event that many theatre orientated performers in Wales aspire to attend. There were MANY applicants with all the experience that the Youth Theatre could have wanted at the first auditions, and then there was me, absolutely no experience in dancing or drama, but I manage to get into it with purely my singing voice, movement, and acting. A perfect candidate on paper missed out on the recall audition because I had the REAL talent that they were looking for, that goes towards my arrogance too.
To end, I would just like to remind you of how above average I am, bodily, spiritually, confidence-wise, souly, and mindly (if that's a word - irony by the way). Many people often say that they great, but they are just hiding from the painful truth that they are just like everyone else, I don't, I say it because its true, and that's the way the cock flops.
The End
(Love to Janie xxx)
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Its been a while since I have taken the time and/or effort to type a word or two to the mases of the world via the medium of web logging. There is a very subtle yet strong reason for this. Many people may be offended by this but these people are otherwise redundant because I do not want to turn into one of these people obliviously as they have. The reason that I had started to write this blog is for several reasons known to me and probably many more I am unaware of laying deep in the caverness depths of my subconscious mind, but the most relevant and exacting reason on me and my life is one that I am most cognant toward in my everyday existance. Thoughts at most are not constant, they are brief hormonal stimulae, causing the brain to process information quickly, rather than letting it drag on slowly and thusly, more thoroughly. However, one thought that I have been experiencing in this section of my life, and I say that because I can't remember when it started and cannot see it ending anytime soon, is the undying feeling that I am the only true centient being on this planet, that I am the only one that can look at myself and others critically, the only one that really knows that I exist, the only one that isn't a mindless robot like the rest. This isn't so true as it used to be and these days it exists only as an instinct that makes me paranoid and just weird. But, one thing that it hasn't changed, is my undying wish to be noticed, or as other people call it, 'cool'. I don't really know what this word means anymore, because it changes all the time with new trends and fashions, but I know that most of me just hates the idea of being just 'another person', just another cog in the machine. This makes me feel sick, because it makes me feel that my life is worthless unless I am making a difference or an impact, even if that impact is on a very local scale. The impact that need to be made is not in terms of how widespread it is, but more in how powerful it is and how it makes people feel. I wish to be so 'cool' that I make people want to be me! This is no joke. I wish to make people so jealous that the wish to be me just that they get as much acclaim as me. And I do not mean that I want to be some kind of actor or famous person. I find most famous people to be REALLY thick and even more unaware of themselves, everyone else and their existence on this earth, physically or spiritually. I wish to do something more, I don't care about fame, I just want to be able to do something, not something that everyone else is doing, but something that is so underground that its almost scary because it is so unknown. I just want to be able to do something that I have made my own that makes people think WOW when they see it. To wrap it up all neatly, I wish to be different and this is the main reason that I have written most of the blogs in my time. Now, some of you may be thinking, 'But all you did was write about girls and love and shit like that, that everyone else is always piping on about!'. I can empathise with this, and it makes me feel truely ashamed and sickened by myself. But, as you may have already guessed, this is a sure sign that when I get going, I really am not aware of what I am saying and therefore am no better than all these people that I hate. But the fact that I know about this, makes me superior to others!!! To everyone! Well, this shall be continued at a later date as I have a life and must go back to playing computer games all day! (that WAS supposed to be funny for all those 'fickos' out there!) I shall write more soon, until then..fuck off! By the way, I shall get down to the reason eventually, when I feel the time is right and you are all open enough to hear...or see it.
Love to Janie xxx (sorry for being mean to you all the time, but I am only joking I prom!)
p.s. (see how stereotypical this blog is, just 'p.s' makes it into a big fat gay, and how after lines of writing about how aware I am, I have spurted loads of crap out that I am not even aware of doing! I anger myself everyday).
Love to Janie xxx (sorry for being mean to you all the time, but I am only joking I prom!)
p.s. (see how stereotypical this blog is, just 'p.s' makes it into a big fat gay, and how after lines of writing about how aware I am, I have spurted loads of crap out that I am not even aware of doing! I anger myself everyday).
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Hello ye few who take the time to actually come on this blog. This blog is dedicated to a very special girl. Hmm, now I don't know what to say :S I feel compelled to talk about her..but I feel that I am going to bore anyone reading this, including her. Besides, I'm sure that you all got enough of her in the last post. Yes, that is correct...*ahem*.
Missed the bus today. It was rather annoying as I had taken the time to get up out of bed, in which I felt so warm and cosy, like someone was hugging me or something. If I'd have known that I was going to miss the bus, I would not bothered. Isn't it stupid the way they put school on so early? I mean, its not bad enough that its the most boring shit in the world, but coupled with the state of everyone's brains in the morning, its hell, HELL I tells ya! Who wants to do Quantum Physics at 9 in the morning? Some people enjoy it I think, I evny these people. I really wish I could enjoy school, not becuase it would mean that I would do better academically, but rather becuase it would take the sting out everyday life. School is a black hole of suffering and blight. It sucks all the spirit out of people, all the soul. I need to get out of school, I think that I may just quit and go travelling. Its just one big lie when people tell you that to get somewhere in life, you have to work and scrape, and ultimately not enjoy it or use it to its full potential. Why has the Human race done this to itself? Its so much harder than it has to be, everything is about numbers, organisation, little crappy forms that need to be completed for nearly everything. Tax, rent, MOT, insurance, TV lisence, electricity, gas; I could go on forever.
Money makes the world go around that is a right bummer!
I think that something is happening to me. I have become soft or something, not that I was ever 'hard'. I find myself taking pity things that I would laugh at usually. I watch a romantic movie or listen to a love song and, OMG, I start crying! Well, not crying, but I can feel tears running down my cheeks. Its strange, I don't like it nor dislike it though. Everyone must go through change in order for them to find out what kind of a person they are. I think that I am a bit too romantic. I think that it puts girls off. For example, my pretty much first girlfriend fucks some guy then dumps me - BECUASE I'M TOO ROMANTIC! And my second girlfriend (who was that for about week, of which time I saw her for about 2 days - it was VERY nice though), decides that we are too far away and asks to finish and I, being stupid and thinking that there was an ulterior motive to it, agree. She is now going out with a guy who acts like her father. I don't mean HER father when I say that...he acts like A father. And I don't mean a nice caring one that gives a shit like...its sick either way, why am I trying to make it even worse? Well, all it boils down to is that she has no freedom around him, she buys booze - he tells her mummy. I mean, for fuck sake dude! Who's he going out with, her? Or her mum? Well, anyway enough about that for now. I have a strange tendency to go on about that, but how can anyone blame me when everyday, it fills 50% of my thoughts. You are the other 50%, Janie ;)
I dreamed of her the other night, not Janie, the other one that I'm always going on about. It was really, really nice. And, NO, it was not THAT kind of dream ;) But, you know when you have those dreams, when you are with the girl OF YOUR DREAMS, and you are both really happy and you can tell that she is happy too and everything is just perfect and nothing could possibly go wrong...well it was like that. Then I woke up, which was a shame coz I was just getting into it. Yeah, I was pretty damn happy in that dream. Then I am woken up and I have to go to school. GGRRR!!! I dream about the most perfect things and scenarios, but my reality is just crappy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy enough. But who wants 'enough'? I've come to the conclusion in the last 6 seconds, that I am one of these people that are just not meant to be alone, but seem to be most of the time. I don't see what the girls have against me around here. In this 'town', there are a few select girls that I would consider going anywhere near with a 10ft barge pole, and they just...don't feel the same way about me. But when I go somewhere else, say about 50 miles away from Llandod, that's when all the girls are loving me! Maybe I am pretty good looking or something, but my character is just so off-putting that anyone who knows me enough are just sickened by me? I don't know, I've been told that I try too hard, I've been told that I don't try enough. Believe me, I've tried and I've not given a fuck, I've tried all levels of that shit. But it gets me nowhere. Well, too be quite honest with you, I don't really care that much. All the people that I care about in that way, which there are not many of, return my affection but have got boyfriends. Ahh, tis a crying shame, but one, I'm sure, time and perserverance will solve.
Went America the other week. That was okay, but the people there are the kind of people that I would not hang around with. I mean the other students that went on the exchange, as that was what it was: an exhange with the school. The people that went with me are farmer boys, builthy boys. There was a few Llandod girls, but after a while, they just tend to get on one's nerves after 10 hours of the journey. Well anyway, it was suprising how spoilt these guys were. They had to sit where they wanted and NOW. They didn't care about who moved, to where, they just wanted what THEY wanted. Another example is this, I get moved on the plane back to Britain so that this girl, Kate Pearson, and a guy named Kelwin, can sit where they wanted, while I was moved from a perfectly good seat to the middle of the place next to this guy who stank of B.O and his girlfriend who, might I add, was rough as fuck and made me want to puke profoundly all over the place. They were constantly lip wresting with eachother the entire way. Then I get this guy, who thinks he is all righteous, sitting in front of me with a book. My tray in front of me, in the back of this guy's seat will not retract and I try a more forceful method of persuasion on it. Then I get this guy, who is some Londener, going ''Ave we got some sorta problem?", like he's all hard and trying to intimidate me. I just stare him in the eye and say nothing and he turns around like he should. Some people are just too quick off the mark. I would have just turned around and asked politely for the person behind to be a little less rough with my seat, simple as that. But then I'm me and no one else.
The family I had to stay with, were nice but a little wierd and corrupt. The guy, being my age, was a little too feminine for my taste, and was totally square. In all truth, he was extremely camp and I think that he just needs a little push in the right direction and he would be homosexual. I have nothing against gays, but I just find camp people annoying, I'm afraid. His hobbies her drinking green tea, listening to Enya and the Beatles (and occasionally screaming out the lyrics from them) and baking cookies for his little mutant friends at school. Aww, how american...
I'm being serious now, his friends were like little mutants: He had this little fat ginger friend (girl), who was no higher than my knee but only two years younger than me, this big hunky friend (girl, of course) who had one of her eyes going about a centimentre below the other one...they were freaks. Again, I have nothing against freaks...I just don't want to be seen with them that's all. All the other people had really cool hosts, one guy even had a millionairre, for fuck sake. And I get this guy. But mind you, his sister was DAMN fine, and if she comes over to Britain with him next year, she's mine! Oh yeah, that's another thing, he is going to come down and stay with me in about 9 months...that should be a laugh. I'll take him to Stone Henge for the solstice and get him fucked on everything! hehe, that sounds great. He doesn't drink, smoke...anything! Poor guy. I think that there must be some kind of a reason that he is like that though. I have been thinking about it since I left and have come to the conclusion that becuase his Dad, is NEVER at home becuase of his job, and he is totally strict: 1/ he has had no real male role model as he was growing up and 2/he is so freaked out by with father that he has got this wierd mental block telling him to be as girly as he can to escape putting his own children through what his father put him through. Plus, I think that becuase his dad was never there, he only had his mother, who is really nice, but really feminine so he must have picked up a bit of that from her. hehe, it would be really cool to see him on acid though, dude!
I think that this is pretty much all that I have to say for now. You know, its been really cool to come and write stuff on this thing again, its been a while. And Han, if you are the only person reading this then that's ok, it was worth it, if only for you :) - ring ;) Catch you later people, it been real.
Until next time....
Missed the bus today. It was rather annoying as I had taken the time to get up out of bed, in which I felt so warm and cosy, like someone was hugging me or something. If I'd have known that I was going to miss the bus, I would not bothered. Isn't it stupid the way they put school on so early? I mean, its not bad enough that its the most boring shit in the world, but coupled with the state of everyone's brains in the morning, its hell, HELL I tells ya! Who wants to do Quantum Physics at 9 in the morning? Some people enjoy it I think, I evny these people. I really wish I could enjoy school, not becuase it would mean that I would do better academically, but rather becuase it would take the sting out everyday life. School is a black hole of suffering and blight. It sucks all the spirit out of people, all the soul. I need to get out of school, I think that I may just quit and go travelling. Its just one big lie when people tell you that to get somewhere in life, you have to work and scrape, and ultimately not enjoy it or use it to its full potential. Why has the Human race done this to itself? Its so much harder than it has to be, everything is about numbers, organisation, little crappy forms that need to be completed for nearly everything. Tax, rent, MOT, insurance, TV lisence, electricity, gas; I could go on forever.
Money makes the world go around that is a right bummer!
I think that something is happening to me. I have become soft or something, not that I was ever 'hard'. I find myself taking pity things that I would laugh at usually. I watch a romantic movie or listen to a love song and, OMG, I start crying! Well, not crying, but I can feel tears running down my cheeks. Its strange, I don't like it nor dislike it though. Everyone must go through change in order for them to find out what kind of a person they are. I think that I am a bit too romantic. I think that it puts girls off. For example, my pretty much first girlfriend fucks some guy then dumps me - BECUASE I'M TOO ROMANTIC! And my second girlfriend (who was that for about week, of which time I saw her for about 2 days - it was VERY nice though), decides that we are too far away and asks to finish and I, being stupid and thinking that there was an ulterior motive to it, agree. She is now going out with a guy who acts like her father. I don't mean HER father when I say that...he acts like A father. And I don't mean a nice caring one that gives a shit like...its sick either way, why am I trying to make it even worse? Well, all it boils down to is that she has no freedom around him, she buys booze - he tells her mummy. I mean, for fuck sake dude! Who's he going out with, her? Or her mum? Well, anyway enough about that for now. I have a strange tendency to go on about that, but how can anyone blame me when everyday, it fills 50% of my thoughts. You are the other 50%, Janie ;)
I dreamed of her the other night, not Janie, the other one that I'm always going on about. It was really, really nice. And, NO, it was not THAT kind of dream ;) But, you know when you have those dreams, when you are with the girl OF YOUR DREAMS, and you are both really happy and you can tell that she is happy too and everything is just perfect and nothing could possibly go wrong...well it was like that. Then I woke up, which was a shame coz I was just getting into it. Yeah, I was pretty damn happy in that dream. Then I am woken up and I have to go to school. GGRRR!!! I dream about the most perfect things and scenarios, but my reality is just crappy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy enough. But who wants 'enough'? I've come to the conclusion in the last 6 seconds, that I am one of these people that are just not meant to be alone, but seem to be most of the time. I don't see what the girls have against me around here. In this 'town', there are a few select girls that I would consider going anywhere near with a 10ft barge pole, and they just...don't feel the same way about me. But when I go somewhere else, say about 50 miles away from Llandod, that's when all the girls are loving me! Maybe I am pretty good looking or something, but my character is just so off-putting that anyone who knows me enough are just sickened by me? I don't know, I've been told that I try too hard, I've been told that I don't try enough. Believe me, I've tried and I've not given a fuck, I've tried all levels of that shit. But it gets me nowhere. Well, too be quite honest with you, I don't really care that much. All the people that I care about in that way, which there are not many of, return my affection but have got boyfriends. Ahh, tis a crying shame, but one, I'm sure, time and perserverance will solve.
Went America the other week. That was okay, but the people there are the kind of people that I would not hang around with. I mean the other students that went on the exchange, as that was what it was: an exhange with the school. The people that went with me are farmer boys, builthy boys. There was a few Llandod girls, but after a while, they just tend to get on one's nerves after 10 hours of the journey. Well anyway, it was suprising how spoilt these guys were. They had to sit where they wanted and NOW. They didn't care about who moved, to where, they just wanted what THEY wanted. Another example is this, I get moved on the plane back to Britain so that this girl, Kate Pearson, and a guy named Kelwin, can sit where they wanted, while I was moved from a perfectly good seat to the middle of the place next to this guy who stank of B.O and his girlfriend who, might I add, was rough as fuck and made me want to puke profoundly all over the place. They were constantly lip wresting with eachother the entire way. Then I get this guy, who thinks he is all righteous, sitting in front of me with a book. My tray in front of me, in the back of this guy's seat will not retract and I try a more forceful method of persuasion on it. Then I get this guy, who is some Londener, going ''Ave we got some sorta problem?", like he's all hard and trying to intimidate me. I just stare him in the eye and say nothing and he turns around like he should. Some people are just too quick off the mark. I would have just turned around and asked politely for the person behind to be a little less rough with my seat, simple as that. But then I'm me and no one else.
The family I had to stay with, were nice but a little wierd and corrupt. The guy, being my age, was a little too feminine for my taste, and was totally square. In all truth, he was extremely camp and I think that he just needs a little push in the right direction and he would be homosexual. I have nothing against gays, but I just find camp people annoying, I'm afraid. His hobbies her drinking green tea, listening to Enya and the Beatles (and occasionally screaming out the lyrics from them) and baking cookies for his little mutant friends at school. Aww, how american...
I'm being serious now, his friends were like little mutants: He had this little fat ginger friend (girl), who was no higher than my knee but only two years younger than me, this big hunky friend (girl, of course) who had one of her eyes going about a centimentre below the other one...they were freaks. Again, I have nothing against freaks...I just don't want to be seen with them that's all. All the other people had really cool hosts, one guy even had a millionairre, for fuck sake. And I get this guy. But mind you, his sister was DAMN fine, and if she comes over to Britain with him next year, she's mine! Oh yeah, that's another thing, he is going to come down and stay with me in about 9 months...that should be a laugh. I'll take him to Stone Henge for the solstice and get him fucked on everything! hehe, that sounds great. He doesn't drink, smoke...anything! Poor guy. I think that there must be some kind of a reason that he is like that though. I have been thinking about it since I left and have come to the conclusion that becuase his Dad, is NEVER at home becuase of his job, and he is totally strict: 1/ he has had no real male role model as he was growing up and 2/he is so freaked out by with father that he has got this wierd mental block telling him to be as girly as he can to escape putting his own children through what his father put him through. Plus, I think that becuase his dad was never there, he only had his mother, who is really nice, but really feminine so he must have picked up a bit of that from her. hehe, it would be really cool to see him on acid though, dude!
I think that this is pretty much all that I have to say for now. You know, its been really cool to come and write stuff on this thing again, its been a while. And Han, if you are the only person reading this then that's ok, it was worth it, if only for you :) - ring ;) Catch you later people, it been real.
Until next time....
Monday, September 01, 2003
Hello people, as you may have noticed I have, before, tried to post since the previous, several times...but came to a dead end as I did had no stimulus to come and write an essay on all the shit that I've had over the years. With regards to previous post, I can only plead insanity. At that moment in time, I had had a particular refraction from normal life, with the complete uproar and horror of a mass argument between my family. Needless to say, I would not have written the post had I not meant it, but plead with you now: Do not look at me, and remember the post dated Thu Jun 19th, thinking, 'This guy has problems, he needs to sort it out, blah, blah, blah'. I ask this of you because those problems are my own and should have no effect on the way you see me for, although it is a different side to me, it doesn't strip me of my...'meness', *ahem*. Everyone has their problems, some are more palatable, some are pretty fucking terrible, but the fact that I choose to divulge them does not make me into a sad, lonely and pathetic human being. I just had a lot of shit to deal with but, suffice to say, I am in working order and all that shit. You may also be pleased to log that I will be posting a lot more (if arsed).
Moving to the daily basis of my life. There has been one small thought in the back of my mind for a while now. Every morning is a tribute to 'her', as, whenever I wake, she is the first thought. She is also the last thought of the day, funnily enough. I have had trouble sleeping these past weeks and the long and droning time between entering my bed and falling into sub-consiousness, has been been consumed by her and the terrible waste I have made. She is ALWAYS in my head, whenever I see a fucking sexy bitch on the TV - I think of her, when I see a romantic scene - I think of her, and when I see Jonny and Sarah (some of you may not know them, but they are SO lovey-dovey :@) - I think of her and the precious, yet short time we had together. I have this bracelet of hers. I haven't taken it off for anything other than a bath, I sleep in it, I get pissed, stonted, etc (we won't get into that 'etc') in it. And all the time, I never forget its on my wrist. Its not a a fancy bracelet of any earthly value, but it means so much to me and everytime I look at it...I just so wish I was looking into her deep, blue, sparkly eyes; endless pools of ensnarement. It sums her up SO well though, this bracelet. You should be told now, that she is a tad younger than me, but this is a pradicament, so small compared to that of the fact that I want her SO SO badly, that I really wouldn't give two shits about anything that you could possibly throw at me. Well, anyway, I look at this bracelet: it is comprised of 5 black and 5 red dice, they all have the numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5 on them as the faces that would usually have the 1 and 6 are the places where the elastic goes through them, keeping them together. The dice are, maybe a little more than a half a centremetre in diameter. You can imagine that this sums her up, when I tell you how desperatly sort of...uh...I don't quite know how to put this, she is a lot like an innocent school girl, but she is much much more than that. She is like this furry little kitten that you just want to stroke all day, but in the sense that you would just never want her lips to leave yours, she isn't an animal :S . That another thing about her! Her lips are just so so so so so so so soft, and her hair is so blonde and soft and silky and her figure is just so...oh, don't get me started on her figure. But that's the thing, her figure, as nice (as VERY nice) as it may be, is a mere bouns to her persona. The way she acts is just so perfect to me, she doesn't just fob things off. She is so gentle in nature, I can't imagine her starting a fight at all, let along participating in one.. She agrees to see me, even asked once, even though my previous girlfriend would NEVER, EVER even agree to see me, and she is single. Yes, you guessed it, this is where to problem is. This girl, has a new fucking boyfriend. One that I would very much like to see run over my an articulated lorry, but I have to keep 'hush, hush' about that coz she doesn't like me saying that and everything. I can't tell you enough how much of an idiot I am to let her go. But saying that, it was a mutual decision. Infact, that's what makes it even MORE annoying. I had the power to stop this from happening, but I didn't take the chance. I KNOW that if she didn't have this fucking road block of a fucking gay twat, motherfucking boyfriend, she would be mine, RIGHT NOW. But...uh...was I saying something...oh yeah, I just can't get over the fact that I an even more of a twat than this boyfriend for letting her go in the first place! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I find a really nice girl, who is like totally my type, like none that you would find in Llandod (no offence, but the girls in Dod just don't rock my boat ;) ) and fucking let her go...like that!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING, I AM SUCH A FUCKIN TOSSPOT, I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING RIMJOB I AM! AND NOW I GET THIS FUCKING MSN MESSAGE OF THIS GUY WHO I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, THAT I HAVE TOLD TO 'GET HER TO GO OUT WITH ME' WHICH IS JUST SO UNSTYLISH, I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE, AND HE SAYS THAT SHE DOESN'T FUCKING 'FANCY' ME ANYMORE. I am thoroughly annoyed at this. So I shall leave here. Morning all. I HEREBY DECREE THAT THIS 'LEE' THIS BURDEN, SHOULD FUCKING DIE AND ROT IN HELL FOREVER. SO SAYETH EZRA.
Moving to the daily basis of my life. There has been one small thought in the back of my mind for a while now. Every morning is a tribute to 'her', as, whenever I wake, she is the first thought. She is also the last thought of the day, funnily enough. I have had trouble sleeping these past weeks and the long and droning time between entering my bed and falling into sub-consiousness, has been been consumed by her and the terrible waste I have made. She is ALWAYS in my head, whenever I see a fucking sexy bitch on the TV - I think of her, when I see a romantic scene - I think of her, and when I see Jonny and Sarah (some of you may not know them, but they are SO lovey-dovey :@) - I think of her and the precious, yet short time we had together. I have this bracelet of hers. I haven't taken it off for anything other than a bath, I sleep in it, I get pissed, stonted, etc (we won't get into that 'etc') in it. And all the time, I never forget its on my wrist. Its not a a fancy bracelet of any earthly value, but it means so much to me and everytime I look at it...I just so wish I was looking into her deep, blue, sparkly eyes; endless pools of ensnarement. It sums her up SO well though, this bracelet. You should be told now, that she is a tad younger than me, but this is a pradicament, so small compared to that of the fact that I want her SO SO badly, that I really wouldn't give two shits about anything that you could possibly throw at me. Well, anyway, I look at this bracelet: it is comprised of 5 black and 5 red dice, they all have the numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5 on them as the faces that would usually have the 1 and 6 are the places where the elastic goes through them, keeping them together. The dice are, maybe a little more than a half a centremetre in diameter. You can imagine that this sums her up, when I tell you how desperatly sort of...uh...I don't quite know how to put this, she is a lot like an innocent school girl, but she is much much more than that. She is like this furry little kitten that you just want to stroke all day, but in the sense that you would just never want her lips to leave yours, she isn't an animal :S . That another thing about her! Her lips are just so so so so so so so soft, and her hair is so blonde and soft and silky and her figure is just so...oh, don't get me started on her figure. But that's the thing, her figure, as nice (as VERY nice) as it may be, is a mere bouns to her persona. The way she acts is just so perfect to me, she doesn't just fob things off. She is so gentle in nature, I can't imagine her starting a fight at all, let along participating in one.. She agrees to see me, even asked once, even though my previous girlfriend would NEVER, EVER even agree to see me, and she is single. Yes, you guessed it, this is where to problem is. This girl, has a new fucking boyfriend. One that I would very much like to see run over my an articulated lorry, but I have to keep 'hush, hush' about that coz she doesn't like me saying that and everything. I can't tell you enough how much of an idiot I am to let her go. But saying that, it was a mutual decision. Infact, that's what makes it even MORE annoying. I had the power to stop this from happening, but I didn't take the chance. I KNOW that if she didn't have this fucking road block of a fucking gay twat, motherfucking boyfriend, she would be mine, RIGHT NOW. But...uh...was I saying something...oh yeah, I just can't get over the fact that I an even more of a twat than this boyfriend for letting her go in the first place! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I find a really nice girl, who is like totally my type, like none that you would find in Llandod (no offence, but the girls in Dod just don't rock my boat ;) ) and fucking let her go...like that!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING, I AM SUCH A FUCKIN TOSSPOT, I JUST CAN'T GET OVER HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING RIMJOB I AM! AND NOW I GET THIS FUCKING MSN MESSAGE OF THIS GUY WHO I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, THAT I HAVE TOLD TO 'GET HER TO GO OUT WITH ME' WHICH IS JUST SO UNSTYLISH, I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE, AND HE SAYS THAT SHE DOESN'T FUCKING 'FANCY' ME ANYMORE. I am thoroughly annoyed at this. So I shall leave here. Morning all. I HEREBY DECREE THAT THIS 'LEE' THIS BURDEN, SHOULD FUCKING DIE AND ROT IN HELL FOREVER. SO SAYETH EZRA.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Today, as in the last couple of days, I have reached the realisation that my life is, and has been, filled by misery. Not just of my own but of others too. I hate the world and the people who claim ownership of it. I hate myself and most of my family. I fear that my mental stability is hanging in a knife-edge. I know that I sound like many people who direct their every day at snatching attention because they have been deprived of attention for most of their lives, but I do not care as I know for myself how I feel and no one else can tell me. The only friend in the world that I can call a true friend is Davy but we argue so much we are like two identical poles. I cannot remember a time in which I was ever accepted into any group of people. Firstly there was the stage where I used to be a part of a group of friends consisting of Davy James, Tom Yeo, Gary Gimson , etc, etc. I know many of you think that Gary is somewhat of a 'gimp', this label deriving from the uncanny similarity of the word to his name. You people are fools and have most likely been influenced by social programming wereby one person with high social acclaim decides it nessecary to lable a person he hardly knows and has judged him/her on the basis of something ludicrous lilke clothing or speech, which shows no representation of the character or personality of said person. Others, who percieve this person as an idol and find it difficult to think for themselves, have their opinions twisted and distorted by this foolish person's sermons of the victim and therefore there are, without warning, harmful rumours and banter circulating around the complex hieracichal matrix of minds that cannot think for themselves and make assumptions based on other people's malresearched views. Gary Gimson is a very good man. Anyone who can call him a friend would be very lucky indeed. He is one of the people who is different, who can think for himself, form his own opinions after considering both sides of the argument. Anyway, as I was saying, I started off with the group of friends, in which I strained myself to be an official part of. I tried to be part of the childhood 'sect': 'The N64 gang', but, despite my efforts I never felt as accepted as the other members even though I was a member when it was just me and Davy. Then Davy did 'beat up' my sister. I did not hear the full story as Kate, my sister, is a mouthy bitch who cannot grasp the impossible task of letting anyone else input their argument whatsoever. The result being a very messed-up with story that points EVERYTHING in her favour, makes her look like a god(ess) and everyone else like scum. I, ingnorant of the full story, did shout umpteen piles of abuse at Davy which he really did not deserve. This, effectively, ended the friendship which had been effective for more then eight years. In turn, I was ostrisized from the group of chums and went into a three year stretch of reclusive exile in which I did not leave the house for anything other than school and food. This is why many people were under the impression that I had moved away, I noticed the arrival to this assumption when I saw a girl that I had not seen over the duration of this reclusive stretch, who proclaimed 'I haven't seen you for years!!!' and questioned my whereabouts when she asked 'Didn't you move to Builth or something?' No, the answer is that I was a complete loner for three years and had no friends during this time bar my thousands of fluffy toys and games. Because of this, I developed a complex in which I cannot relate to anyone in anyway. The essence of what I am saying is that, in a situation where there are people who do not know, I cannot act myself or befriend them in anyway as my social skills are next to nothing. This is revealed ten times over when it comes to meeting girls, especially girls that I am attracted to. Where as many males would come back from nights saying how they kissed passionately with the girl that they have been persuing for a considerably small time, I would not return with no stories at all as I do not have the confidence or social experience to know what the hell to do.
I next went into a group of people who seem to enjoy wasting their lives, taking drugs everyday and getting pissed. This was handy as in most cases as they were too off their faces to realise that I was the most uncomfortable person in the room, nay, the building. And so it was that I joined in binjing on drugs everyday, going out and getting stoned, pissed and basically just completely fucked on every other drug available. Although I felt accepted by many of the more grown up members of the faculty, the younger members seemed indorsed in the 'rudeboy' seen, which is very much devoted to mixing and stratching drum and bass and acting like they are the most fashionable humans in the world. This display of valour mainly revolved around the mocking of others for cheap laughs and to make themselves look more appealable. In the long run they were just a bunch of complete wankers who had no compassion or empathy for fellow man. I felt their offensive comments and weak, empty insults very hurtful and they managed to pierce my emotions in a considerable way. I discontinued my association with that thread and continued to be my own friend. I tried long and hard to make new allies and aquaintances but I always found some excuse to end my efforts, most commonly being that I was always under the impression that their words were not reflective of their thoughts.
I still look strenuously to be accepted into some friendly group of people where I know that I can be myself and not have to worry about being discriminated for it. The only problem is that I have spent so long pretending to be something that I am not that I am unable to identify my true character. I look at others and the way that they glide through my most impossible task of having many friends and knowing that they are being straight with them and feel over-taken by envy. I find myself trying to be these people, trying to gain what they have so easily through impersonating their methods. I try my best to be as nice and polite and what I think society would accept but for some reason, maybe based around the fact that I am just me, no one can ever seem to befriend me like I would be so willing to befriend them. I do not know why I am so repulsive and I do not know why I care so much. As, I said I hate the world and everything it.
My main reason for hating people is that no one, themselves, really seem to be able to act like themsevles. Although they will act themselves, they will act themselves in the exact same way as everyone else. For example, there are many sects and cults that are dedicated to being fashionable in their own way. Some prime examples of these include
'Gothic'; where people clothe in black and worship satan,
'Punk'; a very strong scene in Llandrindod where everyone tries their hardest to be EXACTLY what is displayed in American Pie and other cheesy, dreamy, happy, unrealistic, american movies,
'Skater-boys'; tied into the punk scene, where skaters make out that it is all to do with wearing 'skater' clothes, listening to punk music and saying 'duuuuuuude' after everything. Sure, I skate, I even say 'duuuuude' (when I am drunk) but I do not assign a fashion statement to it. I wear any clothes that I can find in the wardrobe and if anyone sees that as unfashionable then said people can fuck themselves.
I wish that I could find some people that can act themselves, express what they are feeling, their thoughts, their desires, without being judged for thinking what they want to think. For example if I was to tell anyone in the group of people that I have joined Seb in associating with that I....well most things in this post, which I am sure they will get round to reading, they would judge me so harshly based on the fact that I not been popular with other people. They would not take the time to get to know me as a person, they would decide that I have been umpopular most of my life, denoting that I am not a person that they should be seen with. If they were to express that they, in their opinion, that a guy is attractive FROM ANOTHER MALE'S PERCPECTIVE, they would be called homosexual or the like.
I cannot stand human beings. They are evil. Everything in the world of a 16 year old has a foundation of falseness. The world revolves around pleasing others. Not in a charitable way, but in a fashionable way. Infact, most cases are completely void of charity, with abuse hurled in every direction and personal insults designed to make them look bad enough to make the insulters look good. This is why there is SO much insulting. It takes such a great deal of effort to make someone who transmits aspersions to everyone look good than those who receive them.
I went out to 'The Llanerch' yesterday. It was not my scene at all. I felt like a sore thumb. Moreover, there was one person in particular, who I consider to be a very annoying human being. There were several others that I could not tolerate as an addition. The only person that I could put up with was Sebastian. The rest were just annoying. Kate was ok, of course that Fleur girl was very ok because, well....work it out for yourself! As I said earlier, however, I could not generate the acost to make anything happen between us. She was very hard to decifer and I am just too...something or other. The essence of what I am trying to say is that I felt extremely uncomfortable and paranoid. I felt like an anomily. And I feel that I will never find anyone that I can relate to in the way that I wish to through out the course of my life. However, I feel that Seb is very much like me and I can say pretty much anything to him except my deepest darkest secrets and he we will have a lengtht discussion about how he feels the same, different in what way. I think that the friendship that Seb and I share is quite unique. Anyone similar to the people described throughout this blog are going to jump to the conclusion that I am talking about something homosexual or am indeed homosexual myself. I would just like to clear up that anyone, male anyones mostly, who are thinking that must be one of the people that can't stand the thought of another male touching him in anyway because he is afraid to come to the realisation that he is gay and is absolutely uncomfortable with his sexuality. The night was tipped off with an extremely nasty situation where my fool of a mother came looking for me at 1am because I had an exam, shouted very clearly that I should get in the car NOW, which invoked the inclination of laughter from everyone (except Seb which I appreciated verily). I am 16, I now longer have to answer to my mother or obey any of her rules, infact I think that it is time for me to move into a place of my own because, quite frankly, I cannot stand the sight, sound or vibe from my mother. She seems to be changing into a bitter old-lady, which is painful as she used to be a very easy-going person who would not stress over anything and everything. I cannot stand to have a mother of such embarrassment to herself and me. For fuck sake! I cannot take much more of her fucking shit! She told me that I am not going to Stone Henge and that I am fucking grounded!!! Fuck that shit! I am no longer under the obligation to have to abide by her rules. For staying out until 1:00am, I am not going to an event which happens once a year, which she wants to go to as much as me. After telling her that I am going to the pub, from that, though the pub shuts at 12:00am, I would deduce that I am not going to be home early. The time at which I was out was not even that late. Well, it was a very humiliating experience which does not contribute nicely to my low level of self-esteem.
I feel that it is time to stop unloading my problems into this post but I do not want to stop as I will just fall helplessly into the endless black hole of boredom that I can never escape from. I will stop anyway. Thank you for reading if you have. I will post again soon.
I next went into a group of people who seem to enjoy wasting their lives, taking drugs everyday and getting pissed. This was handy as in most cases as they were too off their faces to realise that I was the most uncomfortable person in the room, nay, the building. And so it was that I joined in binjing on drugs everyday, going out and getting stoned, pissed and basically just completely fucked on every other drug available. Although I felt accepted by many of the more grown up members of the faculty, the younger members seemed indorsed in the 'rudeboy' seen, which is very much devoted to mixing and stratching drum and bass and acting like they are the most fashionable humans in the world. This display of valour mainly revolved around the mocking of others for cheap laughs and to make themselves look more appealable. In the long run they were just a bunch of complete wankers who had no compassion or empathy for fellow man. I felt their offensive comments and weak, empty insults very hurtful and they managed to pierce my emotions in a considerable way. I discontinued my association with that thread and continued to be my own friend. I tried long and hard to make new allies and aquaintances but I always found some excuse to end my efforts, most commonly being that I was always under the impression that their words were not reflective of their thoughts.
I still look strenuously to be accepted into some friendly group of people where I know that I can be myself and not have to worry about being discriminated for it. The only problem is that I have spent so long pretending to be something that I am not that I am unable to identify my true character. I look at others and the way that they glide through my most impossible task of having many friends and knowing that they are being straight with them and feel over-taken by envy. I find myself trying to be these people, trying to gain what they have so easily through impersonating their methods. I try my best to be as nice and polite and what I think society would accept but for some reason, maybe based around the fact that I am just me, no one can ever seem to befriend me like I would be so willing to befriend them. I do not know why I am so repulsive and I do not know why I care so much. As, I said I hate the world and everything it.
My main reason for hating people is that no one, themselves, really seem to be able to act like themsevles. Although they will act themselves, they will act themselves in the exact same way as everyone else. For example, there are many sects and cults that are dedicated to being fashionable in their own way. Some prime examples of these include
'Gothic'; where people clothe in black and worship satan,
'Punk'; a very strong scene in Llandrindod where everyone tries their hardest to be EXACTLY what is displayed in American Pie and other cheesy, dreamy, happy, unrealistic, american movies,
'Skater-boys'; tied into the punk scene, where skaters make out that it is all to do with wearing 'skater' clothes, listening to punk music and saying 'duuuuuuude' after everything. Sure, I skate, I even say 'duuuuude' (when I am drunk) but I do not assign a fashion statement to it. I wear any clothes that I can find in the wardrobe and if anyone sees that as unfashionable then said people can fuck themselves.
I wish that I could find some people that can act themselves, express what they are feeling, their thoughts, their desires, without being judged for thinking what they want to think. For example if I was to tell anyone in the group of people that I have joined Seb in associating with that I....well most things in this post, which I am sure they will get round to reading, they would judge me so harshly based on the fact that I not been popular with other people. They would not take the time to get to know me as a person, they would decide that I have been umpopular most of my life, denoting that I am not a person that they should be seen with. If they were to express that they, in their opinion, that a guy is attractive FROM ANOTHER MALE'S PERCPECTIVE, they would be called homosexual or the like.
I cannot stand human beings. They are evil. Everything in the world of a 16 year old has a foundation of falseness. The world revolves around pleasing others. Not in a charitable way, but in a fashionable way. Infact, most cases are completely void of charity, with abuse hurled in every direction and personal insults designed to make them look bad enough to make the insulters look good. This is why there is SO much insulting. It takes such a great deal of effort to make someone who transmits aspersions to everyone look good than those who receive them.
I went out to 'The Llanerch' yesterday. It was not my scene at all. I felt like a sore thumb. Moreover, there was one person in particular, who I consider to be a very annoying human being. There were several others that I could not tolerate as an addition. The only person that I could put up with was Sebastian. The rest were just annoying. Kate was ok, of course that Fleur girl was very ok because, well....work it out for yourself! As I said earlier, however, I could not generate the acost to make anything happen between us. She was very hard to decifer and I am just too...something or other. The essence of what I am trying to say is that I felt extremely uncomfortable and paranoid. I felt like an anomily. And I feel that I will never find anyone that I can relate to in the way that I wish to through out the course of my life. However, I feel that Seb is very much like me and I can say pretty much anything to him except my deepest darkest secrets and he we will have a lengtht discussion about how he feels the same, different in what way. I think that the friendship that Seb and I share is quite unique. Anyone similar to the people described throughout this blog are going to jump to the conclusion that I am talking about something homosexual or am indeed homosexual myself. I would just like to clear up that anyone, male anyones mostly, who are thinking that must be one of the people that can't stand the thought of another male touching him in anyway because he is afraid to come to the realisation that he is gay and is absolutely uncomfortable with his sexuality. The night was tipped off with an extremely nasty situation where my fool of a mother came looking for me at 1am because I had an exam, shouted very clearly that I should get in the car NOW, which invoked the inclination of laughter from everyone (except Seb which I appreciated verily). I am 16, I now longer have to answer to my mother or obey any of her rules, infact I think that it is time for me to move into a place of my own because, quite frankly, I cannot stand the sight, sound or vibe from my mother. She seems to be changing into a bitter old-lady, which is painful as she used to be a very easy-going person who would not stress over anything and everything. I cannot stand to have a mother of such embarrassment to herself and me. For fuck sake! I cannot take much more of her fucking shit! She told me that I am not going to Stone Henge and that I am fucking grounded!!! Fuck that shit! I am no longer under the obligation to have to abide by her rules. For staying out until 1:00am, I am not going to an event which happens once a year, which she wants to go to as much as me. After telling her that I am going to the pub, from that, though the pub shuts at 12:00am, I would deduce that I am not going to be home early. The time at which I was out was not even that late. Well, it was a very humiliating experience which does not contribute nicely to my low level of self-esteem.
I feel that it is time to stop unloading my problems into this post but I do not want to stop as I will just fall helplessly into the endless black hole of boredom that I can never escape from. I will stop anyway. Thank you for reading if you have. I will post again soon.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
(Tuesday 10rd June 2003) Today is yesterday. There is no seperator between today and the previous day due to a simple fact: I did not sleep last night. I stayed up ALL night drinking coffee and talking, (of what, I cannot remember) till the crack of dawn with a very good friend, Sebastian. It was a strange night. I arrived at his house at a time close to 1:50am. The night started off quite smoothly until we started talking about fucked up dreams and some old program that is longer aired called 'Strange But True', a series dedicated to terrifying people with stories of poltegists and ghouls. This was at 2:00am, EVERYONE was asleep, everything was quiet. Nothing stirred outside, it was truely harrowing. The conversation drifted from there to talks of french girls, bitches and 'The girl' who everyone who knows me will know the identity of. We sat there, drinking coffee in the kitchen. A lot of the words exchanged that night are shrouded in mystery and 'cantrememberance'. We made pancakes in the morning, I mean the late morning (about 4:30am(ish)). Mmmmm, they were some damn fine pancakes, the only problem was that the dishwasher had failed to clean the plate that was to contain my pancakes and when it came to the last pancake, the one in contact with the plate, I was suprised to find that it tasted uncannily like garlic. I looked a little closer to see that there were indeed pieces of garlic left on the plate. It was revolting and a fete that I strongly recommend against, being an abomination against pancakes. The morning seemed to creep up so slowly but when it actually came, we were completely oblivious to see that it was getting lighter until we could see a considerable amount of day.
Took a walk at about 5:30am, down to Lover's Leap. Me and Seb had a nice, hearthy game of 'catch' whereby, the players must throw the ball back and forth to each other and catch it. I know you know that but I just felt like telling you anyway. Then, after we had noticed that there were severel cows and bulls advancing with their calfs on our position, we turned to a more sinister game of 'Throw stones at the cows' whereby the contenders must hurl small stones at cows until they make a charge and we have to run away, desperately. It was quite boring however, as no matter how many stones hit the cows, they REALLY didn't give a fuck and just made a wierd 'grrrunch' noise and took no notice. We ran away anyway.
The morning was quite fantastic actually. The sun made a guest appearance along side with blue-sky and rocky cliff - Lover's Leap. We lay on the somewhat unwelcoming rock (in the sense that it stuck many jagged fingers into every part of my body), and went to sleep. It was really quite spectular. Everyone else was getting up for school, red-eyed (not in the way you are thinking) and groggy, and we were there enjoying the more essential things in life...lying on a rock in the sun. Unfortunately, the sun kept getting horribly smothered by thick, dense, black clouds and it went cold for that time, in which I could not sleep. While doing this, me and Seb could not help but call everything dodgy, after the laugh we had over 'Dodgy Rob' when kaned one time. There were many, many dodgy things being named. The list is as follows:
1/ Dodgy John - A bloke that lives two doors away, who really isn't that dodgy but we just decided that he is for the sake of being fucking childish.
2/ Dodgy Sun - The name of the sun, ironically.
3/ Dodgy Moon - A VERY simple variation of the Dodgy Sun. This one sounded particularly dodgy so there were extra laughs to be had.
5/ Dodgy Gone - The milk was gone. In the desperate attempt to make something good out of it, Seb exclaimed 'The milk is Dodgy Gone!'
4/ Dodgy Life - I don't know what the hell this is, Seb came out with it when it started getting OTT.
5/ Dodgy Time - VERY similar to the 'Life' one, the inspiration and thought are identical.
6/ Dodgy Clouds - Of course, these were the clouds that kept rudely interrupting the Sun's greatness.
7/ Dodgy Seb - This one speaks for itself, I think.
8/ Dodgy Cow - This is a result of all the hype with the cows.
9/ Dodgy Tree - This was said only once, I think. I don't know where it came from nor who said it.
10/ Dodgy Jess - Well...um...hmm, she always crops up somewhere :( She is fucking dodgy though.
11/ Dodgy EVERYTHING - Well....this goes without saying.
12/ A personal favourite of mine: Llandrindodge - HARHARHAR!!! What else can be said to such brilliance?
13/ Dodgy Dodgy - Hmm, what can I say?
14/ Dodgy River - Oh come on, we were by a river!!!
There are also a few other 'Dodgies' that have yet to be named. These are all from the film Aladdin, great film, Disney classic.
1/ Dodgy Sultan - This is from the notion that the Sultan, when hypnotised by Jafar, looks and acts REALLY kaned. His eyes are like saucers, which suggests that maybe the stuff he had been 'sampling' was pretty darn strong.
2/ Dodgy Jafar - Jafar is just a dodgy geezer really, goes without saying.
3/ Dodgy Abu - Abu is SO dodgy. He could be the evil overlord of the Indian Mafia for all we know!!!
4/ Dodgy Iago (the parrot, I can't remember the name properly) - He is a real stress-head, buckles under pressure, could NEVER get the girl. He is the type of parrot to end up on slow-release morphine, I bet he has already started on the 'Karms' pills...just like the person he mirrors so well...but the ginger thing went a bit wrong and he ended up red for some exotic reason.
5/ Dodgy Genie - This street-wise bloke is ready for action. Ready to pull out the sawn-off shotgun to deal with leary crack dealers.
This was all the result of 24 hours of alertness and 3/4 cups of GOOD coffee. That doesn't beat James' record for the number of cups of coffee drank in a time limit, but he's a professional. After this, came more sleeping, followed by a quick recap of what is dodgy and what is not before heading back to Seb's house. It was around the time school starts when we got there. I happened be staring out of the window in the living-room, and who do I see but Jessica. Been a while since I saw her. Was nasty. She was all pretty and not mine and it was rather hurtful. I keep telling myself that I am over her, convince myself successfully in some cases, but there is always SOMETHING that brings it all back. You'd think that if I still cared that much after a month of not being with OR seeing her and bearing in mind that we went out for a mere month and a week(ish), that perhaps there is something a little auspious in Jess's direction. Another thing is, I just so happened to tell her that I am over her, this is quite recently, and she says something like 'I thought I would be the one that would get over you first.' How am I meant to take that? If she is not over me or WASN'T at this time why would she tell me? Is this the same thing as with me where after a month, she is still not over me...blah, blah, blah, is this a sign that we split up prematurely? I mean, there was no real stimulus for the break up in the first place...well there could have been but I'm so great, or soppy, that I didn't let it fuck things up. We split for the simple and maybe over-used excuse that 'We are too different'. But SURELY if you find someone THAT different to you...there must be something...fun, that can arise from this. Two pieces of a puzzle will go together because they are completely different, in that the concave and convex shapes are compatible. Its hard to explain but surely you can see what I am getting at. I don't know why I say this, but maybe I long for the words to make Jess come back to me :( Maybe I will see her and be able to tell this stuff. But maybe she won't listen or WILL listen but not absorb it. Anyhow...I miss her like crazy and want her back.
Enough about that, the day progressed onward. Foremost, me and my good friend Seb sat down to an hour and a half(ish) of Aladdin. It was very pleasing to the both of us to witness the Dodgy Sultan performing his stoned gaze into eternity. Half way into the duration of the film, we both fell asleep. I woke with a start, just to see the credits rolling away. Everything was moving without us, while we were encapsulated in a black hole of dreams. I had quite an appifiny, like no other, when that happened as I have never before payed a great deal of attention to the change in the world around me when I am, essentially, suspended in time.
The day went on, after sleeping for a few more minutes. There were no real occurances of hilarity during the rest of the day, but instead I wandered around as if seeking an absolution. I was in a dazed state; I felt as though I had been very wrecked the night before and had just woken up. Contrary to what would be expected, I did not feel tiresome, however, I felt a great deal of fatigue and when the day was arriving its completion, I sat down and gazed blankly at the wall for a few hours. The TV was on, but the wall seemed more interesting than a shower of electrons hitting glass.
This has been my day, I verily hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I.
Took a walk at about 5:30am, down to Lover's Leap. Me and Seb had a nice, hearthy game of 'catch' whereby, the players must throw the ball back and forth to each other and catch it. I know you know that but I just felt like telling you anyway. Then, after we had noticed that there were severel cows and bulls advancing with their calfs on our position, we turned to a more sinister game of 'Throw stones at the cows' whereby the contenders must hurl small stones at cows until they make a charge and we have to run away, desperately. It was quite boring however, as no matter how many stones hit the cows, they REALLY didn't give a fuck and just made a wierd 'grrrunch' noise and took no notice. We ran away anyway.
The morning was quite fantastic actually. The sun made a guest appearance along side with blue-sky and rocky cliff - Lover's Leap. We lay on the somewhat unwelcoming rock (in the sense that it stuck many jagged fingers into every part of my body), and went to sleep. It was really quite spectular. Everyone else was getting up for school, red-eyed (not in the way you are thinking) and groggy, and we were there enjoying the more essential things in life...lying on a rock in the sun. Unfortunately, the sun kept getting horribly smothered by thick, dense, black clouds and it went cold for that time, in which I could not sleep. While doing this, me and Seb could not help but call everything dodgy, after the laugh we had over 'Dodgy Rob' when kaned one time. There were many, many dodgy things being named. The list is as follows:
1/ Dodgy John - A bloke that lives two doors away, who really isn't that dodgy but we just decided that he is for the sake of being fucking childish.
2/ Dodgy Sun - The name of the sun, ironically.
3/ Dodgy Moon - A VERY simple variation of the Dodgy Sun. This one sounded particularly dodgy so there were extra laughs to be had.
5/ Dodgy Gone - The milk was gone. In the desperate attempt to make something good out of it, Seb exclaimed 'The milk is Dodgy Gone!'
4/ Dodgy Life - I don't know what the hell this is, Seb came out with it when it started getting OTT.
5/ Dodgy Time - VERY similar to the 'Life' one, the inspiration and thought are identical.
6/ Dodgy Clouds - Of course, these were the clouds that kept rudely interrupting the Sun's greatness.
7/ Dodgy Seb - This one speaks for itself, I think.
8/ Dodgy Cow - This is a result of all the hype with the cows.
9/ Dodgy Tree - This was said only once, I think. I don't know where it came from nor who said it.
10/ Dodgy Jess - Well...um...hmm, she always crops up somewhere :( She is fucking dodgy though.
11/ Dodgy EVERYTHING - Well....this goes without saying.
12/ A personal favourite of mine: Llandrindodge - HARHARHAR!!! What else can be said to such brilliance?
13/ Dodgy Dodgy - Hmm, what can I say?
14/ Dodgy River - Oh come on, we were by a river!!!
There are also a few other 'Dodgies' that have yet to be named. These are all from the film Aladdin, great film, Disney classic.
1/ Dodgy Sultan - This is from the notion that the Sultan, when hypnotised by Jafar, looks and acts REALLY kaned. His eyes are like saucers, which suggests that maybe the stuff he had been 'sampling' was pretty darn strong.
2/ Dodgy Jafar - Jafar is just a dodgy geezer really, goes without saying.
3/ Dodgy Abu - Abu is SO dodgy. He could be the evil overlord of the Indian Mafia for all we know!!!
4/ Dodgy Iago (the parrot, I can't remember the name properly) - He is a real stress-head, buckles under pressure, could NEVER get the girl. He is the type of parrot to end up on slow-release morphine, I bet he has already started on the 'Karms' pills...just like the person he mirrors so well...but the ginger thing went a bit wrong and he ended up red for some exotic reason.
5/ Dodgy Genie - This street-wise bloke is ready for action. Ready to pull out the sawn-off shotgun to deal with leary crack dealers.
This was all the result of 24 hours of alertness and 3/4 cups of GOOD coffee. That doesn't beat James' record for the number of cups of coffee drank in a time limit, but he's a professional. After this, came more sleeping, followed by a quick recap of what is dodgy and what is not before heading back to Seb's house. It was around the time school starts when we got there. I happened be staring out of the window in the living-room, and who do I see but Jessica. Been a while since I saw her. Was nasty. She was all pretty and not mine and it was rather hurtful. I keep telling myself that I am over her, convince myself successfully in some cases, but there is always SOMETHING that brings it all back. You'd think that if I still cared that much after a month of not being with OR seeing her and bearing in mind that we went out for a mere month and a week(ish), that perhaps there is something a little auspious in Jess's direction. Another thing is, I just so happened to tell her that I am over her, this is quite recently, and she says something like 'I thought I would be the one that would get over you first.' How am I meant to take that? If she is not over me or WASN'T at this time why would she tell me? Is this the same thing as with me where after a month, she is still not over me...blah, blah, blah, is this a sign that we split up prematurely? I mean, there was no real stimulus for the break up in the first place...well there could have been but I'm so great, or soppy, that I didn't let it fuck things up. We split for the simple and maybe over-used excuse that 'We are too different'. But SURELY if you find someone THAT different to you...there must be something...fun, that can arise from this. Two pieces of a puzzle will go together because they are completely different, in that the concave and convex shapes are compatible. Its hard to explain but surely you can see what I am getting at. I don't know why I say this, but maybe I long for the words to make Jess come back to me :( Maybe I will see her and be able to tell this stuff. But maybe she won't listen or WILL listen but not absorb it. Anyhow...I miss her like crazy and want her back.
Enough about that, the day progressed onward. Foremost, me and my good friend Seb sat down to an hour and a half(ish) of Aladdin. It was very pleasing to the both of us to witness the Dodgy Sultan performing his stoned gaze into eternity. Half way into the duration of the film, we both fell asleep. I woke with a start, just to see the credits rolling away. Everything was moving without us, while we were encapsulated in a black hole of dreams. I had quite an appifiny, like no other, when that happened as I have never before payed a great deal of attention to the change in the world around me when I am, essentially, suspended in time.
The day went on, after sleeping for a few more minutes. There were no real occurances of hilarity during the rest of the day, but instead I wandered around as if seeking an absolution. I was in a dazed state; I felt as though I had been very wrecked the night before and had just woken up. Contrary to what would be expected, I did not feel tiresome, however, I felt a great deal of fatigue and when the day was arriving its completion, I sat down and gazed blankly at the wall for a few hours. The TV was on, but the wall seemed more interesting than a shower of electrons hitting glass.
This has been my day, I verily hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I.
Sunday, June 08, 2003
Just a quick post to mention a very special girl, Louise...she is...nice...what else can I say? Um...a little help? She likes pancakes! That's one part that I particularly like about her ;) um....she...ooh, er...umm, I will mention her again when I get inspiration, I promise ;)
Post 3 - A look into a mystical and unchartered dimension of me. Yesterday, I came home from Herford. It was a great relief to escape from the seemingly endless noise of cars, stink of humans and their abominations and the sight of hundreds of simbient beings scurrying like a termites, living their everyday lives for the sole purpose of making money. Money: small pieces of pretty, shiny metal and the dried up remains of the pulp of flesh from a dead tree. Makes the world go round supposedly, that as well as making it STINK! Money is so CRAP....well not when you have it, but that's a different story. Its quite upsetting to see people wasting their lives away in persuit of money.
Been getting VERY good at skating recently. Better than Friday that is. Turns out, infact, that I am fucking ACE!! Just yesterday, I did a 900 spin in the air...that's 900 spins not degrees...your not buying this are you? Well, I HAVE been doing Fakie 180° kickflips. To those uneducated in the complex jargon and terminoglogy in skating , that is the art of spinning the board by one half revolution along the parellel so that the tail and nose switch positions, flipping the board around so that the griptape-side spins to face the floor then keeps spinning until back into the regular position, then landing on it. ALL the while, facing backward. Backward in the sense that you use the same feet i.e. left and right, for 'popping' and 'dragging' or 'flipping/heeling' but pop the nose and drag or flip toward the tail facing backward. Basically you face the same way as you would in the 'switch' position but use your normal feet. I'm telling this for the purpose of non-skaters but its confusing me! For more information e-mail me and I shall give you a personal tutorial. Typical candidates should be female, busty, nice ass. By the way, I'm not really going to give you any tutorials or demonstration (unless you ARE a 'fit chick') and only make e-mail hyperlinks to show off my brilliant skills in the manipulation of HTML to create a link.
I actually don't like 'busty' woman, and can't see why anyone really would. I mean, all they do is bounce and wobble around like saddle-bags and make woman look more dramatic when they run - Baywatch style. No, I prefer the more athletic size/shape; rounded, firm, proportional - a lot of females may be surprised to hear that many guys would share my tastes in breast size....moving on...I like eyes actually...yes..eyes are good. Eyes that you could fall into, litterally, into love through. Deep pools of love through which you can be taken to a place where your troubles just dissolve into nothing. I had that with a girl once, I would look into her eyes and see me with everything I wanted. Her eyes her so full, so..big, yet proportional to the rest of her face. Her iris's were so vibrant with colour, a nameless colour that could only be seen a few, rare times in one life-time. Sadly, I never had the chance to pursue her because she lived about 200 miles away and she had a boyfriend...plus, although completely unprecidently, she didn't return my feelings. She was a bitch though.
Just made some pancakes...in the time it took for you to go from the last paragraph to this. I luuuuuurve pancakes, they are best, I know that a particular girl reading this will agree with me ;) The problem with these pancakes is that they just stuck to the to bottom of the pan like glue! If it was going to do that, the sellers of the ingredients could have said what is was going to do - exactly, on the packaging e.g. tin. I don't think I added enough flour so the mix wasn't viscous enough. Pancakes are pretty damn good though! But what I want to know is who ever though of putting lemon on pancakes!?!?! The tastes are not good together at all! The juice cools the pancake down and makes it all sloppy so in the end it feels like you are eating a very flat placenta (thanks again for that, by the way, Charllote ;) ).
I seem to have run out of things to 'rant' about....my posts are too long anyway, you can make do with what I have given you. And you'll like it, nay, YOU'LL LOVE IT!!!
Been getting VERY good at skating recently. Better than Friday that is. Turns out, infact, that I am fucking ACE!! Just yesterday, I did a 900 spin in the air...that's 900 spins not degrees...your not buying this are you? Well, I HAVE been doing Fakie 180° kickflips. To those uneducated in the complex jargon and terminoglogy in skating , that is the art of spinning the board by one half revolution along the parellel so that the tail and nose switch positions, flipping the board around so that the griptape-side spins to face the floor then keeps spinning until back into the regular position, then landing on it. ALL the while, facing backward. Backward in the sense that you use the same feet i.e. left and right, for 'popping' and 'dragging' or 'flipping/heeling' but pop the nose and drag or flip toward the tail facing backward. Basically you face the same way as you would in the 'switch' position but use your normal feet. I'm telling this for the purpose of non-skaters but its confusing me! For more information e-mail me and I shall give you a personal tutorial. Typical candidates should be female, busty, nice ass. By the way, I'm not really going to give you any tutorials or demonstration (unless you ARE a 'fit chick') and only make e-mail hyperlinks to show off my brilliant skills in the manipulation of HTML to create a link.
I actually don't like 'busty' woman, and can't see why anyone really would. I mean, all they do is bounce and wobble around like saddle-bags and make woman look more dramatic when they run - Baywatch style. No, I prefer the more athletic size/shape; rounded, firm, proportional - a lot of females may be surprised to hear that many guys would share my tastes in breast size....moving on...I like eyes actually...yes..eyes are good. Eyes that you could fall into, litterally, into love through. Deep pools of love through which you can be taken to a place where your troubles just dissolve into nothing. I had that with a girl once, I would look into her eyes and see me with everything I wanted. Her eyes her so full, so..big, yet proportional to the rest of her face. Her iris's were so vibrant with colour, a nameless colour that could only be seen a few, rare times in one life-time. Sadly, I never had the chance to pursue her because she lived about 200 miles away and she had a boyfriend...plus, although completely unprecidently, she didn't return my feelings. She was a bitch though.
Just made some pancakes...in the time it took for you to go from the last paragraph to this. I luuuuuurve pancakes, they are best, I know that a particular girl reading this will agree with me ;) The problem with these pancakes is that they just stuck to the to bottom of the pan like glue! If it was going to do that, the sellers of the ingredients could have said what is was going to do - exactly, on the packaging e.g. tin. I don't think I added enough flour so the mix wasn't viscous enough. Pancakes are pretty damn good though! But what I want to know is who ever though of putting lemon on pancakes!?!?! The tastes are not good together at all! The juice cools the pancake down and makes it all sloppy so in the end it feels like you are eating a very flat placenta (thanks again for that, by the way, Charllote ;) ).
I seem to have run out of things to 'rant' about....my posts are too long anyway, you can make do with what I have given you. And you'll like it, nay, YOU'LL LOVE IT!!!
Saturday, June 07, 2003
Hellooo there everyone who has the pleasure of being curious (and perhaps insane) enough to visit my website to check for more madness! Hmmm...I'd better stop there before I make this sound interesting. I am sorry umpteen times over for not posting sooner and putting you out of your suspense. The reason I have made you all wait is for the very valid reason that a post/e-mail/message or any kind of communication is a vast drain on bodily resources, and receiving any of the aforementioned hallowed 'gifts' is a moment of such glory and privilage that it can only be distributed at a maximum limit due to the great feeling of popularity that comes as an integral part.
Today had to be one of the hottest days in a while, had a skate, an ice-cream, a skate...oops. Ice-creams always taste so much better when you feel like you are walking through the desert after your 20th day of walking under a scorching sun...WITH an V.annoyin person who never leaves a moment untainted with his broad display of arrogance. I did some good tricks today though, I managed to 'get the 180 kickflip down' - in skating jargon. Couple of times I fell of and I broke my limb, which hurt...broken limbs hurt much. But now that I am the greatest skater in the world - absolutely unfathomed - I no longer have the need to fall of due to gross incompitence. It is pretty nice these days, I can stroll along doing the odd ollie, the odd 180 kickflip, and people will stare at you and, being god, I can impress the old timers and young kids that look up to me in awe at my superior skating skills. Hmm...I love that everyone loves me. Old ladies sometimes stand there in the middle of the pavement and watch, as if offering their eternal homage at my skating (and ruling) ability. Even the dogs watch! They just stand there watching you :| expressionless robots...standing there, taking a piss on the tree watching my great...greatness. I shall be the greatest skater in the WORLD...once I get 'uncrap' enough to be called...the greatest...yes :s Anyway, I am going to leave you now, due to the reasons stated above, I don't want to inflate your egos too much.
Tell everyone about this website!!! Not that I need to with my level of excellence... :D
Today had to be one of the hottest days in a while, had a skate, an ice-cream, a skate...oops. Ice-creams always taste so much better when you feel like you are walking through the desert after your 20th day of walking under a scorching sun...WITH an V.annoyin person who never leaves a moment untainted with his broad display of arrogance. I did some good tricks today though, I managed to 'get the 180 kickflip down' - in skating jargon. Couple of times I fell of and I broke my limb, which hurt...broken limbs hurt much. But now that I am the greatest skater in the world - absolutely unfathomed - I no longer have the need to fall of due to gross incompitence. It is pretty nice these days, I can stroll along doing the odd ollie, the odd 180 kickflip, and people will stare at you and, being god, I can impress the old timers and young kids that look up to me in awe at my superior skating skills. Hmm...I love that everyone loves me. Old ladies sometimes stand there in the middle of the pavement and watch, as if offering their eternal homage at my skating (and ruling) ability. Even the dogs watch! They just stand there watching you :| expressionless robots...standing there, taking a piss on the tree watching my great...greatness. I shall be the greatest skater in the WORLD...once I get 'uncrap' enough to be called...the greatest...yes :s Anyway, I am going to leave you now, due to the reasons stated above, I don't want to inflate your egos too much.
Tell everyone about this website!!! Not that I need to with my level of excellence... :D
Sunday, May 25, 2003
Hey guys! My other blog was fucking me about so I just thought that I would, for the pleasure and good of society, write another one! I know that some of you, if not ALL of you, were looking forward to me posting on my other blog, But I'm afraid that me and the other blog just didn't work out. I think its to do with this new version they are trying to get everyone to use. Anyway, I had these posts that I saved due to blog's gross crappiness but I never got any time to 'Air' them. So here I am, starting from scratch, just for YOU....and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and...I could do this forever.
Just got up from a 'MASS kaning session' with 'Mystery person #1' and 'Mystery Person #2'. I got pretty damn kaned, started to spin-out a little, which I haven't done in long time. I think its to do with all the mixed feelings and shit that I've been having over 'Said girl' recently. That's the thing with getting stoned, unless you are in the right frame of mind when you smoke, you will not have a very nice 'Kaning session'. Well anyway, we recorded this 'All night kaning session' (which ended about 3am because we all went to sleep on the floor when the camera went off), and we watched a little of it. Turns out that all we did all night was sit there and watch this really wierd movie with a 'Hard-ass Space Trucker'...I think the film was called 'Space truckers', funnily enough! We did also manage to talk about the wierdest shit! 'Mystery Person #1' is very good at spilling out mindless garble when he is stoned...hehe. The only thing I seem to be any good at is making completely racist and politically incorrect jokes...you'll see what I mean if you watch the video. Anyway, we managed to waste the day away COMPLETELY the next day! We got up, had a smoke (or two), this was at about 11:30am, then all of a sudden it was 9:00pm!!! It went SO fast, it felt like the day had lasted for 3 hours! And the wierd thing is that we had just sat around trying to think of something to do! Stoning is pretty, damn hard work in places!!!
Woke up this morning...what did I dream? I dreamed the most teasing dream that I had ever dreamt! I dreamt that me and 'Said Girl': Jess got back together. It was the first time we saw each other since we had, and it was so nice! I was happy and I mean REALLY happy and so was she! It was perrrrrfect! We had this kiss...and it was like something out of a fairy tail. It was too good to be true though I'm afraid, and I woke up just as I got one last look into her eyes :( Then I was like 'SHIT!', it was like God was saying to me 'Look! Look at what you can have, my child!!! But you never will because life is such a bitch and no one ever has what they really want!!! HARHARHARDEEHAR!!'. But saying that, who knows what might happen? Maybe this is some psychic premonition of things to come...would be nice, but I can't see it happening.
How is everyone's exams going? I think my English Literature was pretty good I wrote about 5/6 pages, I think. Anyway, e-mail me your news and stuff on your exams if you want to compare...you might not want to...but I never get any e-mails from anyone worthwhile since.... :( Anyway, all I know is that I havent revised and dont really plan to. I don't feel motivated to do it at all! When my teacher or mother tells me to revise, its like they are saying "Don't forgot, over the course of the exams, do the most boring thing you can ever imagine doing!!!" and "Stop doing your favourite...'thing' (e.g. skating) and go to your room and do the most boring that you can think of...NOW!". I mean, where the fuck is the motivation in that!?!? Obviously, you can see where I am coming from!? If not, then you must have been deprived of Thomas the Tank Engine and been fed Lima Beans for the duration of your childhood. Revision is the most boring thing after tiddlywinks! Moreover, they put the 'GCSE Bitesize Revision' program on at ludicrous times that paramount that of the sick-fetish porn 'Documentaries' of S4C!!!
I heard a really interesting quote while thinking about 'life', in general (I do that). What was this quote, you ask?
'The things in life worth learning cannot be taught'
Written in these few signicant words is a message which tears apart ANY pithy excuses for the education system and its lending of omnipotence over equal human beings to teachers. Anyway...who am I starting to sound like...? Ah, that's the one! I'm not going to say who, but I think that everyone (except the person in question) can guess who I am talking about.
I am going to France this summer to see Anais!!! Well..hope to, anyway. There is, of course, the small problem of money...being that I don't have any. And I imagine that I probably won't :( I need to find a job I think. But they (whoever) aren't going to be too happy when they (whoever) give me a job and I say 'Can I have time off over one of the busiest times of the year please?', or better still 'I quit!'. This being after about a month I would start working! E-mail me!!! If anyone out there knows of a job going or can get me a job then I would be their eternal slave!...Well I actually...wouldn't...but I would be very grateful! Perhaps there are people out there that wish to come with me?!?! Maybe we can all go on some big 'Going to Frace Orgy'!!! I think that's a pretty good idea actually! Anyone who wants to come...E-mail me, using the link above, tell me, and we can organise a big France thing!!! It would be really good if we can get lots of people to come, don't you think?
I shall leave you now!!! I hope that this blog has been entertaining for you! I shall post soon with all my other mindly...shit
But, for now. Look after yourselves aaaand each other....
Just got up from a 'MASS kaning session' with 'Mystery person #1' and 'Mystery Person #2'. I got pretty damn kaned, started to spin-out a little, which I haven't done in long time. I think its to do with all the mixed feelings and shit that I've been having over 'Said girl' recently. That's the thing with getting stoned, unless you are in the right frame of mind when you smoke, you will not have a very nice 'Kaning session'. Well anyway, we recorded this 'All night kaning session' (which ended about 3am because we all went to sleep on the floor when the camera went off), and we watched a little of it. Turns out that all we did all night was sit there and watch this really wierd movie with a 'Hard-ass Space Trucker'...I think the film was called 'Space truckers', funnily enough! We did also manage to talk about the wierdest shit! 'Mystery Person #1' is very good at spilling out mindless garble when he is stoned...hehe. The only thing I seem to be any good at is making completely racist and politically incorrect jokes...you'll see what I mean if you watch the video. Anyway, we managed to waste the day away COMPLETELY the next day! We got up, had a smoke (or two), this was at about 11:30am, then all of a sudden it was 9:00pm!!! It went SO fast, it felt like the day had lasted for 3 hours! And the wierd thing is that we had just sat around trying to think of something to do! Stoning is pretty, damn hard work in places!!!
Woke up this morning...what did I dream? I dreamed the most teasing dream that I had ever dreamt! I dreamt that me and 'Said Girl': Jess got back together. It was the first time we saw each other since we had, and it was so nice! I was happy and I mean REALLY happy and so was she! It was perrrrrfect! We had this kiss...and it was like something out of a fairy tail. It was too good to be true though I'm afraid, and I woke up just as I got one last look into her eyes :( Then I was like 'SHIT!', it was like God was saying to me 'Look! Look at what you can have, my child!!! But you never will because life is such a bitch and no one ever has what they really want!!! HARHARHARDEEHAR!!'. But saying that, who knows what might happen? Maybe this is some psychic premonition of things to come...would be nice, but I can't see it happening.
How is everyone's exams going? I think my English Literature was pretty good I wrote about 5/6 pages, I think. Anyway, e-mail me your news and stuff on your exams if you want to compare...you might not want to...but I never get any e-mails from anyone worthwhile since.... :( Anyway, all I know is that I havent revised and dont really plan to. I don't feel motivated to do it at all! When my teacher or mother tells me to revise, its like they are saying "Don't forgot, over the course of the exams, do the most boring thing you can ever imagine doing!!!" and "Stop doing your favourite...'thing' (e.g. skating) and go to your room and do the most boring that you can think of...NOW!". I mean, where the fuck is the motivation in that!?!? Obviously, you can see where I am coming from!? If not, then you must have been deprived of Thomas the Tank Engine and been fed Lima Beans for the duration of your childhood. Revision is the most boring thing after tiddlywinks! Moreover, they put the 'GCSE Bitesize Revision' program on at ludicrous times that paramount that of the sick-fetish porn 'Documentaries' of S4C!!!
I heard a really interesting quote while thinking about 'life', in general (I do that). What was this quote, you ask?
'The things in life worth learning cannot be taught'
Written in these few signicant words is a message which tears apart ANY pithy excuses for the education system and its lending of omnipotence over equal human beings to teachers. Anyway...who am I starting to sound like...? Ah, that's the one! I'm not going to say who, but I think that everyone (except the person in question) can guess who I am talking about.
I am going to France this summer to see Anais!!! Well..hope to, anyway. There is, of course, the small problem of money...being that I don't have any. And I imagine that I probably won't :( I need to find a job I think. But they (whoever) aren't going to be too happy when they (whoever) give me a job and I say 'Can I have time off over one of the busiest times of the year please?', or better still 'I quit!'. This being after about a month I would start working! E-mail me!!! If anyone out there knows of a job going or can get me a job then I would be their eternal slave!...Well I actually...wouldn't...but I would be very grateful! Perhaps there are people out there that wish to come with me?!?! Maybe we can all go on some big 'Going to Frace Orgy'!!! I think that's a pretty good idea actually! Anyone who wants to come...E-mail me, using the link above, tell me, and we can organise a big France thing!!! It would be really good if we can get lots of people to come, don't you think?
I shall leave you now!!! I hope that this blog has been entertaining for you! I shall post soon with all my other mindly...shit
But, for now. Look after yourselves aaaand each other....
